Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Why? WHY?

There a great mystery at the Towers – that’s where I live. And no, it’s not who’s finished the milk: that was bloomin’ Son. Any chance of a second cup of tea just disappeared into a gargantuan bowl of Cheerios with the deep but no less whiney tones of ‘There was hardly any left! Anyway, you’ve had a cup of tea.’ Yes, I had just had a cup of tea and there was over half a pint remaining. And, it’s 6 *lots of filthy language inside my head* AM in the morning. I NEED several cups of tea.

So no, there’s no mystery there: just a horrible, physical dependency worthy of the Priory and a ‘thinks only of himself’ teenage person.

The mystery then… What’s the whodunit?

Where have all the scissors gone?

I’ve always been crafty – that’s not to say that I would have finished the milk and lied about it… not as in deceitful or guileful – but that I made things. Remember I was a sculptor in a former life? Now, decent tools (as well as a second cup of tea) are essential to the sanity of someone who ‘makes.’ I do have to confess to a certain obsessiveness when it comes to scissors. I blame my Mum for that. Scissors are a little bit like lip salve - I have to have them everywhere. You have no idea when you might need ­them. It’s most important that there’s a decent pair, a pair that actually cuts rather than abuses, to hand.

Ikea used to sell a pack of three scissors: one large two smaller. I think I kept the Wembley store afloat by the number of these three packs I bought. They were dirt cheap and they cut and continued to cut until a child or stupid person (sometimes I was that person) got them gunked up with nasty stuff and after that they’d creak open and not cut cleanly. They’ve always gone walkabout but without the ability to buy another packet or three, they just seem to disappear into thin air.

It’s true that I do have two large pairs on my desk (I am toying with attaching a chain to them so that they can’t wander) but I have just unearthed this small yellow handled pair in Daughter’s room. Hmmm.

19 comments:

BEAST said...

WIFE FOR SALE

One previous owner.
Mostly sane.
Has own scissors.

$100 or 1kg dairy milk chocolate, ONO.

Must collect.

JJ Beattie said...

God, you're cheap ... OH NO... I suppose it makes me cheap, doesn't it?

A kilo of chocolate? Is that all I'm worth? Well, I suppose it is Dairy Milk...

liz fenwick said...

Surely you must be worth at least one camel and they now make chocolate with camel's milk (haven't tried it yet but the milk isn't too bad) :-)
lx

JJ Beattie said...

Liz, apparently not. I'm not even worth a camel... just a kilo of chocolate. *Sigh* Oh well.

DJ Kirkby said...

You used to be a sculptor? You, my friend, are tres cool!

Amanda said...

I have to have lip salve everywhere too!

Amanda said...

Mornings can't start without several cups of tea! How did you cope?

JJ Beattie said...

DJ, oh you're too kind. I think I am the least cool person I know. I would love to be cool if anyone gives lessons, though? Any takers?

Amanda, lip salve dependency is a terrible affliction, isn't it?

And I did have a second cup of tea which was made with coffee mate: YEUCCCH. Then, because the tea was horrible I had a cup of coffee with coffee mate and that was still horrible. So I showered, dressed and I've spent the rest of the day in Starbucks, trying to recover. I'm getting there now.

Lane said...

One cup of tea is just not enough! And if you haven't had your quota perhaps it's a good job there aren't scissors around:-)

Carol and Chris said...

OMG you had tea with coffee mate!! Barf, Barf, Barf!!!

To be fair to husband...you can't buy dairy milk in Thailand!!

C x

Tam said...

The unwritten rule in our house is that anything lost will be in TD's room. Scissors, nail-clippers and my make-up top the list.

I heartily recommend the chain approach.

JJ Beattie said...

Oooh, Lane, good point. Very good point indeed.

Carol, it was: totally barfsome. And yes, re Dairy Milk... you're so right.

Tam, yes, bang on. Why was I surprised when I found the little pair in Daughter's room? I shouldn't have been.

Karen said...

You've tapped into a common complaint here - I'm forever buying scissors and have no idea where they all vanish to. The same place as the pens presumably!

Hope you're stocked up on milk now - my teenagers do that too :o)

Debs said...

Ooh, I need to have lipsalve too.

My scissors at work are always going awol.

HelenMHunt said...

I have the same problem with pens. The cats like playing with them.

ChrisH said...

I feel pretty grumpy when I can't get a cup of tea too so I can understand why folks might feel it's a good idea to hide the scissors.

sexy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Susie Vereker said...

You must have at least ten pairs of scissors, JJ. Ten of everything useful really. Only way.

Liane Spicer said...

I so empathize. Do not touch my scissors! (Or pens, special mug, tweezers, or anything!)

Just bought new packs of scissors for the office. So - do they leave mine alone now? Noooooooo... They grab mine first because they know where to find them!