Not a celebrity but get me outta here

During the first evening in Phu Chaisai I thought someone was using some sort of power tool – a chainsaw or a bandsaw or something – perhaps somewhere in the valley. It was deafening but it eventually dawned on me that it was an insect. The woman in the spa said it was a black grasshopper but we never spotted it.

Have a listen here: it’s only a few seconds long and it does demonstrate there’s no peace in the countryside.

The wildlife definitely caused me some anxiety but they are also fascinating – when they are a safe distance away.

On the last full day I spotted this chappie:

I went and got Husband who waved his arms about until he looked like this:

The next day we were flying home.  After being woken throughout each night by our gecko roommate I was pretty relieved to be honest. Every morning I’d open my eyes carefully, wondering if there’d be something really nasty on the mosquito net. I’d turn lights on and pause for a few seconds to give the creepy things a chance to scarper and I’d check the floor before making contact with it. It wasn’t necessarily a relaxing way to live but it was infinitely better than the Red Shirts and the resort is absolutely lovely.

After everyone had packed, I took all the keys to do a final check in the rooms. I got outside Daughter’s hut and there was lots of shaking in the foliage; I froze. Something had fallen out of the tree to my right. No more noise. I peered down to the ground. I shouldn’t have done that. The only thing of interest was a long silvery thing that could have been a piece of tube. I continued to peer and watched in horror as it moved, then slithered away into the undergrowth.

Eeeeerrrrghw. Get me outta here.

Something Nasty in the Woodshed...

I don’t mind bugs and creepy crawlies.

I’m not awfully fond of them jumping out in front of me, dropping onto my shoulder in a surprise attack kind of way or flying into my décolletage accompanied by a buzzing, crackling noise, but in their place, they’re okay.

I just hadn’t quite worked out that the jungle was their place.  I thought perhaps they would know that inside the bamboo room was mine.

Arriving at Chiang Rai airport after the stresses of Bangkok’s Red Shirts I was tense but full of hope for six days peace. Pah!

I had chosen our resort, Phu Chaisai, (Mountain of Clear Heart) because of its proximity to mountains and green tea plantations. Described on the website as a place to reunite “with Mother Nature… “ where guests can rise to the sound of an awakening forest” I still didn’t quite get it.

Back from dinner on our first night I spotted some copulating beetles inside our hut; they didn’t worry me because I could see they had other things on their mind but I requested that Indiana Jones Husband put them outside. They turned out not to be lovemaking beetles, but two piles of poo. (I am a bit short sighted and the lights were low but hell, it was a big pile of crap for small jungly creatures.)

Tucked inside our mosquito net that evening, squeals and buzzing reverberated around our bamboo hut. Frogs quacked like ducks and alien creatures called. The geckos were the funniest though. Was it only us? We were convinced they were swearing at us in a very Lily Allen manner. It became clear that the big pooing creature not only had Tourette's syndrome but it was also dwelling with us in our bamboo hut. It swore loudly all night.

The poo appeared five nights out of the six and the gecko (three metres long, I was guessing by the size of its bowel movements) stayed all six. Frankly, I was too scared to look for it but I was damn glad to get out of there alive.

You can listen to the giant, pooing, gecko sharing our hut here: