It never rains but it pours

So I’m back in Bangkok where the whole city is bracing itself for the worst flooding for fifty years. The rains this season have been very heavy and the sea level is at its highest point between now and the 19th October.

The rest of Thailand has been suffering for some weeks; Reuters report that ‘more than 2 million people are estimated to have been affected by floods around the country … At least 283 people have been killed … since late July and 26 of its 77 provinces are inundated.’

Sandbags are appearing all over the city; these ones are outside our apartment - I'm not entirely sure about the wisdom of where they've positioned them but who am I to know? People have been panic buying in Bangkok and shop shelves are reportedly clear of many essentials. (I'm wondering if there's still chocolate but I'm afraid that if there is, a week's chocolate might get consumed in one stressful night so I'm not going to check.) I am fairly sure we’ll be okay - we’re on the 21 floor after all. We have candles and enough food (though no chocolate) for a week (assuming the electricity remains) but as the Chao Phraya river winds through Bangkok, many people won’t be alright.

This YouTube from Associated Press gives a good sense of what’s going on.

I’ll be back soon - electricity permitting - to tell you about my UK trip.

I'm really on my own...

I’ve mentioned a few times here about my newish gym habit. I’ve been going down to the gym in our apartment block since about April but what I haven’t confessed to here is that I’ve been doing it with the help of a personal trainer. I’m sorry but when it comes to the gym I am the idlest woman ever; I would so much rather lie on my sofa reading a good book than go to any gym. God, even a bad book would be better than exercise!

Most apartment blocks here have gyms but when we drew up a shopping list for our new home, it was still one of the things I emphasised to Husband. The new apartment needs a decent gym, I said. Gawd knows it’s tough enough to take the lift 19 floors to get to the 6^th floor gym… If you’re asking me to leave the building… well, I couldn’t be sure I could achieve that!

So, the new apartment has a gym downstairs. Not a room with some equipment in but a branch of a membership/paying gym and we get membership with our rental. And I was a happy bunny because I knew this gym is the one that my trainer uses for her own personal sessions so it would be convenient for her too.

However, at our session on Friday morning it transpired that we were not on the same wavelength at all. She broke the news to me that the gym doesn’t allow anyone but their own staff to take personal training sessions. That’s when I went ‘arrrrghhhh.’ She thought I was worried about our training relationship coming to an end and tried to let me know that it was okay. Of course I felt bad that I hadn’t realized we couldn’t still work together but actually, selfishly, I was worried about being on my own…

I spent all weekend panicking and worrying. It still astonishes me that I wouldn’t dream of messing my trainer about by cancelling sessions – barring illness or disaster – but I will let myself down. Eventually I thought back to why I started all this; that I’d realized that I am on my own. No-one else can do this for me. I’ll just have to stand on my own two feet (while wearing trainers and attractive, stretchy gym clothes) earlier than I expected.

That time of year

It’s a bit more than two weeks until the end of our term which means that here at The Towers we’re in full flurry of the end of year exams. (We’re back to school for the start of autumn term on Aug 19, so don’t feel too jealous!)

At first, our encouragement to ‘get started on some revision’ was met with mystified expressions and shrugs of the shoulders; mutterings were made to the tune of ‘no-one’s told me to start yet.’ We were forced to raise the notion of initiative.

Now, revision has been negotiated on, timetables drawn up and although it’s taken several weeks to establish, there is at last some semblance of discipline to the evenings.

Both children – on separate occasions - have appeared in front of me wearing wild, panicked expressions, and stuttering that an exam ‘no-one had told them about’ had appeared in their immediate future. Sometimes, they weren’t even quite certain which paper they didn’t know about. Even that hasn’t been a bad thing. I think learning how to cope with a dreaded question or hideous paper or, exam out of nowhere when you’re panicked, is an important lesson.

It’s not only about what they’re learning; I’ve learned over the years to have extra protractors, set squares, a spare compass, erasers, rulers… hidden away in a drawer for emergencies and we always get them.

“Not with a bang but a whimper”

Well, there it is. It’s 'over'. A court ruling declares that ‘the court held the parties, their respective leaders and executives accountable for the electoral fraud committed during the December 23 general elections.’ Forgive the pessimism realism but let’s just wait and see as the ‘new’ parties are formed.

Now, we are turning our thoughts to a holiday.

Me? I’m turning my thoughts to not panicking. I haven’t written for several days and I hate the feeling of losing my train of thought. I'm busy all day tomorrow; I’ve got to send Husband to work with a costume for the Christmas party and my next Novel Racers coffee is on Friday, for which I am entirely devoid of subjects: eeeek. I won’t panic. I won’t.

Uh oh

I’m having the day off 100 words … I hope that’s not a mistake. I’m an ‘all or nothing’ kind of person and I’m a bit worried that if I give myself the time off it’ll be easier to do that again.

However, yesterday was a terrible struggle and today is proving to be too. There’s too much upheaval of coming home – family etc. I feel panicky and anxious about writing today so instead of trying and getting more and more upset about it, I’m giving myself the night off. I’ll try again tomorrow.

"All aboard for Panic Stations"

On Monday night, too late and too tired, I filled in all the BA Skyflyer Solo unaccompanied minors’ paperwork for the children’s upcoming trip to the UK.

Have I admitted here on my blog that I will not be with my children this Christmas? Have I declared it or just hinted at it? At book group yesterday, one of the women gasped when I said it. She gasped and clapped her hand to her chest, and said: ‘Oh. Christmas? I couldn’t do that.’ Will I earn a ‘Bad Mother’ award?

My children want, with all their hearts, to be in England this Christmas. They are desperate to see their grandparents, their aunties and uncles, their cousins and their chosen family – the godless parents and ‘godsisters’, although strictly speaking, I think that should also be godlesssisters. I am desperate to do the writing course in Koh Chang. My article writing is going fine but my novel writing … is not. My doing - my actually doing as opposed to talking about doing – the article writing has made me a much happier human. This has to be good for my children, right? (Thank you kind K for your words after book club! Interestingly, I have noticed that it’s only other people for which this seems to be a problem and it’s not them doing it – it’s us.)

Anyway, so there I was filling in the forms and it was complicated because there was another flight thrown in – I won’t bore you with the details except to say the people taking and picking up from airports have to be named and addressed so BA only handover to the correct people. And then I copied it to the four marvellous women who are going to be surrogate Mummies to my children, and asked them to check their bit and come back and confirm everything is okay. Because I had done the form filling at the last minute, I had to send the forms back to Husband’s secretary before I had all the feedback.

This morning I got an email saying that nowhere on the form did it say that Godlessparents were ‘meeting’ the extra flight. My sister puts them on a flight and Mr Nobody meets them. Will BA notice? I wondered. Can I play Russian roulette with my children? No. This is a small thing: Husband and secretary can sort this out tomorrow in the office (today is a bank holiday).

BUT.

What it has demonstrated to me is that I am trying to do too much. It can’t all be done. So I am streamlining: I am ferociously knocking things off my list …

AND.

What I have noticed is that I am intending to stick to the things I’ve agreed to do for other people, and knock off most of the things I wanted to do. I can easily let myself down but not other people.

I know someone that would challenge me on this: I know he would say that I should be thinking about me. Explain to other people and they will understand. And, this is what my Skyros course is about: I AM thinking about me because my being happy benefits everyone. But this goes against everything in my nature: ‘Don’t let other people down’ was somehow a mantra of my upbringing and I can see it in my Mum and my sister. They think about others before they think about themselves to (I think) the detriment of their wellbeing. I know I do.

Hmmmm, is this a ‘mummy disease’?

Uh Oh

Second post of the day - how's that for enthusiasm?

It's not, it's more excuses and BIG PANIC: my laptop security has jammed my emailing out because it has detected 'worm activity'. Oh god, time to cry. What does it mean? Why doesn't my manual scan stop it, find it and stamp it out? Where is husband? Out with colleague, not home stroking my laptop, helping...

I'm writing this on his pc, but can't do my Dreamweaver brain drain homework, and tomorrow all the knowledge will be gone. It's okay, though because as revenge, I logged onto his Bejeweled and I scored in his top score box with my name, ha ha ha ha.