Rrrrrrhhhhh

I’ve sometimes said on various invite-only blogs, that I envy the freedom of speech on private blogs. Of course I could just open myself up a private blog but it’s too easily done.

There have been times when I haven’t been able to say here – on my space – what I really wanted to say because the people who’ve caused the anxiety read my blog. And even when they’ve made me feel crap, I actually don't want to hurt them in return: I don’t seek vengeance for myself. (Upset my husband or my children, and I’ll post dog sh*t through your door - s’okay, I’ll only talk about it, I’ve never actually done it! However, I could tell you the people who’ve made me want to do it.) Upset me and I want to explode and shout and scream; not as revenge but as a total lack of control and then, when I cool down I'm mortified. I have, I think, finally learned not to act in haste, but to wait, wait, wait, wait and then, finally, wait a bit more. It’s not growing up that’s made me learn this, it’s because I really hate having to apologise for overreacting after I’ve cooled down.

I shouldn’t blog today but this is my space. There’s something bothering me that’s been posted, in response I believe, to something I’ve said, that’s put my nose out of joint. I guess one runs that risk if one’s blog is open but it’s still disappointing.

I am going to give the benefit of the doubt this time.