Knickers in a twist

I’ve got my writing knickers in a time twist.

It’s giving me a headache… but that could also be the respiratory bug I’ve been fighting off since Monday. I don’t think it’s the piggy variety but the longer it goes on… the less sure I am. Is there any point in having it diagnosed?

I just have to rest, take paracetamol and drink fluids until I feel better, right?

And in the meantime there are still the writing knickers and the time twist to sort out. *Sigh* Horses, bolting and stable doors an’ all: it’s clear to me why good record keeping would’ve been a wise move while I’m writing. Instead I have to trawl through 60,000 words to find out all the places that I’ve made statements about age and characters meeting and buying houses and all the things that should’ve taken eight years that need to happen within eight months in my story.

I thought I could do without paracetamol today… on reflection I think I’ll go and get another dose. I think my writing knickers might need to stay twisted for another day.

Tits up

Right so I’m back after my holiday, it’s time to come clean. It was a break from blogging and a break from writing. Respite for a brain that didn’t know where it was going or what it was doing.

Once I’d decided to have some time out I tried not to agonize over the writing or in my case, non-writing, but still I dreamed about my book and my story. Everything that happened to me, all the things that I saw were relayed in my head as though part of my story.

I took the time to think about what happens now.

Do I want to write?

How badly do I want to write?

Why, the minute I say something out loud on my blog, does everything come crashing down around me?

‘I’m writing’ I say: I stop immediately and freeze in terror.
‘I’m plotting’ I say: suddenly I can’t work out the order in which scenes need to happen.

I’m not sure that I should say things out loud on this blog – for fear it all goes tits up… but I hope you realize what I decided.

I am still a Novel Racer.

Problems

Tonight I fly to the UK.

I have peeled off all my plotted post it notes from my big piece of card and stuck them together. By rights, I shouldn’t be here talking about it. I said I wouldn’t, but I think I’ve got to talk about My Problem. Or maybe Problems.

I’m not writing. I am thinking, but mostly about why I’m not writing. I know what I want to write but when I try to do it I don’t or can’t. I wondered if perhaps I didn’t know how to get there, so I planned to plot. I talked about plotting; I cleared my desk and completed my other jobs. I bought some new stationery. And for a few hours I did plot onto a big piece of card that won’t fit into the ‘allowed to check a bag this big’ space they have at the check in desks.

So. What am I to do? I have two and a half weeks of 2/3 days in any one place and seeing people we haven’t seen for a year or so. Will I have a chance to write? Should I write about that instead? Should I continue to try and plot so that when I get back I can write?

I want to tell you that I plan to have a break from blogging BUT I think that may be a lie… I’m not sure that I can. I may be lurking…

I think that what I need is to have permission not to do any writing/plotting/thinking about writing or plotting. I don’t know where this will lead, but thinking about it hasn’t worked, so now I’m going to try not to think about it.

I may blog so do continue to look in on me, but it may be a bit sporadic too.

Ooops, not showing my face

Well I've just come to see if I can post today, but I've noticed my comment about not showing my face around here until I've done my plotting.

I've ruled out my card, stuck the names of the principle characters up, got stuck on the name of a minor character and come to my pc to look for a name. I've chosen Cara - I was at school with a Cara, so clearly the age is about right. And then I thought I'd come and look here...

But I'm not meant to show my face... I think maybe I'll go and add Cara's name to the card and see if I can do more plotting...

Miscellany

I can’t believe I’m flying back to the UK on Friday night. I’ve only just got over my jetlag from my last trip. This is with the children though, so we’re basing ourselves in Kent at my parents and then we have a nightmare itinerary of visiting. So far it looks like this:

2 days in Kent
1 day in South Bucks
3 days in France
3 days in Kent/London
3 days in North Bucks
3 days in South Bucks
2 days in Kent
2 days in South Bucks

Oh my goodness, and oh my goodness. Not exactly a relaxing schedule, is it? I shall need a holiday when I get back.

*******

Before my trip to the UK in June I had lots of health claims to process (piles of forms to fill in and reclaim the money from any doctors visits we’d done in Bangkok) and being the responsible type I let it pile up until it had grown into a grotesque stack. I did the sensible thing and continued to ignore it until I was actually flying, and then I put them all in my suitcase, promising to do the job in the UK and post them all off from there. Much safer, I decided.

I bet it doesn’t come as a surprise to anyone that I repacked after my lovely week in the UK, (into a new suitcase remember) and I hadn’t touched the intimidating pile of forms, so I brought them all back to Bangkok again.

So yesterday, much against my desires, I did the whole lot. Oh my god, I really wanted to launch myself out the window. But now it’s done.

*******

And really, the only thing I’ve got to do now (apart from my website report, which is … uhm, a bit like not being able to answer the exam question, and having to make it all up) I’ve got to do my plotting chart with all the post it notes.

No more excuses.

Gotta get on with it.

Gonna go and do it … now.

Really…

Pinch and a punch ....

This seems like a good date to start afresh.

I’ve been worrying about if I’m telling the right story. I think I am, but I’ve stalled somewhat. Readers will know that I’ve cut about 16,000 words from my WIP because I’d lost my way. Despite turning my map upside down and sideways, I’m still stalled.

But… I’ve had a think and I’ve read (am reading) ‘Wannabe a Writer?’ and I’m going to try and plot visually, because that’s the kind of head I’ve got. So I’ve been out and bought some Post-It notes, and a big piece of card, and I’m going to attempt to put in what I know, and plan what I’m unclear about.

I shall let you know how I get on.