Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Don't think too badly of me

I’m devastated. I’ve just had terrible news: it’s over and I can hardly believe it.

It’s so awful I may have to move back to the UK.

I know that betrayal isn’t right, but somehow it was beyond my powers to do the right thing.

It was beyond my control, it was hormonal. It all started when I was pregnant with my daughter. Yes, I know, I’m not trying to make excuses I’m just trying to let you see that it was chemical … too powerful for me to command.

But even after I had the baby, I just couldn’t … quite … give it up. It … was …too wonderful. I ache... my mouth aches with the thought of it.

And I’ve been told – categorically – that he will never be in Thailand again.

No more.


I have kept my clandestine relationship with Branston Pickle a covert affair from my father for eleven years. My Dad makes the most delicious chutney. Real chutney: Mrs Postgate’s Tomato Chutney. I was weaned on his chutney and cheese sandwiches, turkey sandwiches on Christmas day, Boxing Day. I took pots of it to University. I was never without it and would leave a weekend in my family home, richer for the jar I took from the pantry.

Until I became pregnant with Daughter … and oh, the shame … I wanted cheese and Branston Pickle sandwiches. NOTHING else would do. It would be okay when I was no longer pregnant, I reasoned, I would revert: my sophisticated palate would return and I would resume my relationship with Mrs Postgate’s Chutney, those delicate flavours of vinegar, cloves, tomato… oh…

But no. Apparently not. I need crunchy Branston Pickle in my life. I had come to accept this: my one ‘can’t live without it’ item in Thailand.

And now I am told, someone has decided that there is no requirement for it in Thailand.

And it will no longer be imported here.

Crosse and Blackwell … what have you done?

I am feeling very, very sad.


Jen said...

Oh my God woman, I thought you'd done done something proper naughty!!!

I'm even more worried about you now that I know what your secret yearning really is... ugh...

Carol and Chris said...

JJ - Your dirty secret is out....now everyone will know that it was you panic buying all the jars that are still on the shelves.....go on admit it....

(Jen - I couldn't agree more - eeeeuuugh)

liz fenwick said...

Clearly you need a trip to the UK to stock up. Hard sided suitcase with lots of bubble wrap should od the trick!

Caroline said...

Laugh out loud!
I was so worried that you were going to expose something really serious to the blogworld ... of course I kept on reading! :)

I can't remember the last time I had it, but yes I think I liked it. Clearly not as much as you though.

Helen said...

I love branston pickle too so I can understand your distress. Excellent post.x

Zinnia Cyclamen said...

Oh noooo that's terrible! You'll have to recruit everyone you know who travels from the UK to bring you some.

Angie said...

Hehehe, that lead-in was great! I love pickles too. Mmm. Sorry about the tragedy - go stock up and make friends send you some wrapped up safely when you run out.

JJ said...

Hello everyone

I'm feeling a bit sheepish for misleading you, but still giggling too.

I can't find any on shelves in other stores, so am actually contemplating making Mrs Postgate's!