Saturday, August 25, 2007

Uppy and Downiness

I’ve had an uppy and downy kind of week:

Wibbly wobbly Monday when Daughter started secondary; I thought I’d fixed the website, but it turned out there were still problems that made me want to jump out of my 25th floor condo window.

Much cheerier Tuesday when Daughter came home with excellent Sats results and Son had a successful day at school too.

Inexplicably joyful Wednesday when my Chao Praya River trip cleared my head of … of, well, whatever it is that makes me think too much; Daughter got selected to train with swimming team at school for six weeks to see if she can get her speeds up; and in which son VOLUNTARILY did homework.

Very sociable Thursday, in which I went to coffee morning (expat style), lunched with lovely friends, and then out in the evening with other, different lovely friends (including a new girl (hello A). Had to have a modicum of self control regarding my gin consumption, however, as I had website in the morning. (Not to mention waitress, Khun Reiki, suggesting telling Husband about gin guzzling – Hmm, like he hasn’t noticed!)

Very successful Friday in which I (wish I could say, ‘single handedly’) fixed the problems with the website; in which I realized (along with Website Guru ‘Andrew Computer’) that I REMEMBERED THINGS ABOUT DREAMWEAVER AND CSS AND TECHNICAL STUFF AFTER BEING SHOWN ONCE HOW TO DO IT. We were both proud of me.

Underlying all these uppy downy emotions is the ‘writing’ thing again.

I am:

- Worried my book is boring
- Is aimless
- That I really don’t know what I’m doing

However, being uppier today, I’ve decided it’s a first draft and if it’s boring and aimless I will make it Not, when I’ve finished the first draft. That sometimes not knowing what you are doing is good: do what you feel. Maybe it will lead to something exciting. If I follow all the Rules of Writing, then I may restrict my creativity. This may be all crap, but if it gets me writing again, that’s okay.


Angie said...

Glad you ended on an uppier note. You are right about allowing your creativity to flow and letting your writing be a first draft. And remember, there are no rules for writing! All published writers got there in different ways, but most did multiple drafts. (Repeating this mantra to myself. *ahem*)
Cheers to the weekend!

Helen said...

You are right to ignore the demon that says you book is boring and aimless. He's just trying to stop you again! Carry on, don't think too hard. You're doing really well. x

JJ said...

Angie, hi, you're right. No rules, no rules, but I get focused on something small, like layout specifics, and then can't go on until I work out what I 'should' be doing.

Oh, lord, Helen, I hadn't even realised it WAS my demon - you're right, it is. I thought it was me that thought all those things. It's HIM, he's back as ME! Oooh, I must be careful about that...

Thank you both.


Jen said...

Crumbs, sounds as if you've had quite a week. I'm in the same boat; haven't written at all for a few days for exactly the same reason - worried it's boring and aimless. Pffff.

Was it Elmore Leonard who said 'the first draft is always shit'?

Just keep at it. It's all we can do.


Caroline said...

I understand.
I am at the 'this is boring and crap and why would anyone want to read my rambling rubbish' stage. I want to delete and hide in my bed with chocolate and gin.
But my other life is fun at the moment.

A. Writer said...

I think every writer thinks their book is aimless and boring at some stage. That demon certainly does the rounds! He pops up on so many shoulders.

Keep going! You're doing well!

Rebecca said...

Just repeating what everytone else has said - just.keep.going.

I think if you had no fears about your writing...were certain it was all fantastic, KNEW it was completely riveting, were CONVINCED that every word was perfect... then you'd really have something to worry about.

maybe. I don't really have any idea what I'm talking about, though. I just reread a scene I wrote recently...I was convinced, the first time I read it, that it was BRILLIANT - smooth, precise and moving - now it seems flat, dull and clunky.


writing is hard.

liz fenwick said...

Just keep writing......sort boring later. Boring can be fixed - no words well????

Helen said...

I watched the x Factor the other night. Don't normally but wanted to see what the fuss was all about.

Anyway. There was a girl on there - from Cardiff I think - who said she could sing like Prince, Gwen Stiffani (spelt that wrong I know) Better than Madonna and on and on she went.

She was awful. Awful awful.

My point?

We need that demon. But we need to train him (her?) so that he doesn't stops us writing confidence wise - but enables us to write and critique our own work. We don't want to be deluded like that girl and we don't want no confidece at all. A happy medium I think.

God knows if I've made my point very well. Sorry. Not had coffee yet. x

JJ said...

Oh you are all lovelies for coming to reassure me. I seem to have these wobblies all the time. Silly me.

You are all right. It would be a big worry if I were sure my book was wonderful. But if I could just have a little, teenie weenie bit of confidence, that would be lovely.


Angie said...

JJ, I struggle with the same thing - layout specifics, word choice, bad flow, etc - I get paralyzed and can't move forward. That's why these blog writing friends are such a fabulous support network! Hope your confidence is up today.