HoooRaaaah

Well, this is what much of yesterday was like: blood out of a stone.

But I did it. I wrote 1,021 words and finished the 'cat out of the bag' scene, at 9.50pm. Then I had a bar of chocolate and watched a bit of crappy tv. Bliss.

My MC says "... and there isn’t ANYTHING anyone can say that would make me think otherwise.”

But do you know what? There was. And the other character said it.

They may be no writing today as I'm a lunching lady. I must try to remember not to wear my flip flops. Real expat wives and ladies who lunch do not get refused entry to posh hotels.

I will try and write my 100 words a day when I get back because I'm trying to be a good girl.

Plan for today

I have set myself a target. I am aiming for 1000 words today which might be foolish and setting myself up for failure but there we are: I have all day. So far I've done 250 words.

I stop for regular tea and fizzy mineral water refreshments, and the odd game of Bejewelled. I'm in a big dialogue scene which I like. I find dialogue easier (than other parts of the writing) but it's a cat out of the bag situation and I'm not yet certain how it's going to happen. The character who lets the information slip isn't malicious so I have to make it sound a genuine mistake.

Anyway, I just stopped to eat a particularly lovely lunch - as illustrated - which I ate while watching Blackadder on the BBC Entertainment channel. It's street soup and cost 35 Baht which is about 57 pence.

Yum yum.

My new mantra

The last week – ten days has been a disaster writing wise. No time to do anything. Today I’ve got to take the artwork for the banners to MBK where they will … do something with their software to make them into banners and print them for us. Then I’ve got other errands to run. Tomorrow the children need picking up and dropping off and totally different time of day in different parts of Bangkok. I want to go to the Thaicraft fair in the middle of the day; Husband and Daughter have piano lessons in the afternoon and then on Sunday Husband’s off to India. It’s so busy.

I’ve really got out of the habit of 100 words a day, and need a big boot shoving up my backside. The part that I’m working on has turned into a ‘I simply can’t work this out’ kind of project so rather than open it, harrumph, close it again I have to take it a sentence at a time. I can do that: one sentence at a time.

I have earmarked next week to write (apart from Thursday). I have two weeks before my writing course on Koh Chang and I’m feeling an amateur, fraudulent and devoid of imagination; but also quite a bit excited.

One sentence at a time is my new mantra…

I’m getting there

I managed to stay awake all day yesterday – even through Batman – and sleep on and off last night.

Today I’ve got my contact lenses in which is testament to the fact that the narcolepsy symptom of my jetlag has eased. I’ve emptied the suitcases; onto the floor. The dirty washing has made it into the basket and the books and the clean clothes are in a neat pile … on the floor.

I’ve been on the phone to Carol for two and a half hours to catch up with what I’ve missed here. And I’ve written 630 words for an article which I reckon I can record in 100 words a day. (Did you see? I'm first today; first... no matter that my day starts six hours earlier than yours... I was first.) With that off my back, I’m free to do some novel! Except, now I’m tired and I’ve got piles of books on the floor to fall over in the night when I’m awake again.

Bits and Pieces

I can almost touch the end of my holiday now; I fly back to Bangkok on Friday.

What I really want to write about is my notion of home, which is being seriously questioned in some part of my heart. I tried yesterday to write about it too, but I can’t get it down or correct or something ... so instead, let's go on with other, less enigmatic topics …

The last few weeks have been proper holiday with Husband here: no work and too much food. I’ve been extremely naughty about 100 words a day but I shall get back into it when I get home. I’ll be reporting in every day with my word count.

Yesterday I talked on the phone to a woman at a local prison … about one of my characters who has been inside. He has to have done something, been punished and served the right length of time to fit in with the rest of the story … I’m hoping to see the vicar this week about the funeral and my sister has dug out a contact that deals in antiquarian books, so all the research is coming together too.

I'm not worthy

The lovely Pacha has awarded me the Arte y pico which is an award for blogs that show "creativity, design, interesting material, and who contribute to the blogging community, no matter what language they are in.’ Thank you Pacha.

Of course I instantly feel unworthy. I hate the way that I feel so unconfident about my creativity. Growing up I was ‘the academic one’ and my sister was ‘the creative one’ and despite the fact that I must be a bit creative (for crying out loud, I’ve got a fine art degree!) one doesn’t have to dig very deep down to discover that I don’t really believe it.

Rules:
1) You have to pick 5 blogs that you consider deserve this award, creativity, design, interesting material, and also contributes to the blogger community, no matter of language.
2) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.
3) Each award-winning, has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award itself.
4) Award-winning and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of "Arte y pico" blog , so everyone will know the origin of this award.
5) To show these rules.

I'd like to bestow this award on: Uphilldowndale - I love her photographs and feel dreadful, unattractive jealousy that I can't produce pictures like them; Rachel at When the Dogs Bite - the blog is a relative newcomer, but I love the subjects and I admire Rachel's eye; Laurie at Three Dog Blog - I'm not sure that she 'does' awards, but I love going there. I get the vicarious pleasure of her life with dogs (without the poop scooping) and her stories are wonderful too. Finally Helen at Redders Ramblings for whom I am eternally grateful for getting me writing again with her creative and inspired 100 words a day blog.

Easy does it...

Right, I’m trying not to castigate myself about ‘my words.’ I have had a couple of days off – I might not get them done today, and I might not tomorrow as I have someone coming over for the day.

I’m struggling a bit with family politics … I’ve found it interesting that living overseas I am a long way from doing things for family. It might be expected that you ring once a week or whatever, remember birthday cards, but you can’t DO all the things for people that you would if you lived locally. But when you come back, you are expected to pitch in; and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Of course I want to do things to help, but so do I want to write, and wander about in a bubble of nostalgia. In Bangkok I run my life without thinking of those things – intrinsically selfish perhaps.

I will try to get back to the words. If I haven’t by Tuesday, will someone appear here and give me a big shove up the backside? Thank you.

In the meantime, I’ve moved my computer to my bedroom, and I leave you with the view through the window.

Another funeral and my contact lenses

Thank you for your comments. I’m feeling a little happier today. I have an article due so I will think about that and apply my words to that instead of the novel. Then I will do some research on the novel. When I am stuck I often find that research is the answer … for me; I don’t think this works with everyone.

So update to my spooky funeral story from Tuesday: the village to which my MC returns is an amalgam of several villages/small towns that I know here in Kent. The town that my opticians is in (do you remember the saga of my contact lenses?) has leant itself to my fictitious place – particularly the road layout. Yesterday I returned to the opticians for her to check the contact lenses that she fitted back at the end of April (the saga is ongoing… I was wearing my lenses in the wrong eyes! I am such a klutz. Not trusting myself to keep the right one in my right eye, we are sending them back to have a ‘ler’ (L) and a ‘reh’ (R) engraved on them.)

Anyway, I’m in this lovely little town with Sister, and we’re walking along the very road that in my story I’ve put the church in which the father’s funeral takes place. The MC walks from the station, around a kink in the sloping road to see the silhouette of the funeral procession about to move into the church. So there I am with Sister, and WHAT do I see? I see another hearse, in the midst of a funeral. I am now officially freaked out.

Uh oh

I’m having the day off 100 words … I hope that’s not a mistake. I’m an ‘all or nothing’ kind of person and I’m a bit worried that if I give myself the time off it’ll be easier to do that again.

However, yesterday was a terrible struggle and today is proving to be too. There’s too much upheaval of coming home – family etc. I feel panicky and anxious about writing today so instead of trying and getting more and more upset about it, I’m giving myself the night off. I’ll try again tomorrow.

Hi honey; I'm home

The weirdest thing happened to me today but first I have to tell you how my book opens:

MC lands in the UK after approx 10 years self exile in Thailand. She’s come home for her father’s funeral and although her mother and her sister know she’s coming home she hasn’t let them know when. She walks into the village to the church where the funeral has just begun.

Today I landed at Heathrow airport from Bangkok and took a train to Paddington, a taxi to Charing Cross and the next train from there to the village where I spent my childhood. I phoned ahead to tell them the train was on but no-one could meet me (sniff, sniff, I’ve only flown 6,000 miles to see them…) so I got out at the station to walk home. I walked up the hill past the graveyard and outside the front of the church was a hearse, four undertakers and the vicar in robes.

Freaked? Me? Nope; alright yes a bit. Spooky timing eh?

Anyway, I leave you with some lovely architecture at Paddington Station. I love train stations.

I barely slept on the 'plane and my eyes are propped open with matchsticks, but I've got to go and do my words because I will not let a day go past ... Ah, dedication.

To Do List

I've had one of those days today. It's all last minute stuff before I FLY TO THE UK TONIGHT.

The morning I spent at the hospital without an appointment waiting to see the doctor to give me Thyroxine prescription. They wouldn't give it to me without being seen by him despite the fact that I could, should I wish to, buy the medicine over the counter in Thailand. I only had to wait two hours... Carol, bless her, came with me.

For some reason, not even I'm aware of, I HAVE to update my ipod with all the things I'm almost certain not to listen to while I'm away. I have to do this ... even though I put money on the fact that I won't even put my earplugs to my ears for the next six weeks! I am still doing this... as I type.

I had to pack. Tick.

I had to do my words. Tick. I wrote 135 which was deeply disatisfying as I barely felt I'd got started - but that feeling is great. I celebrate that feeling most wonderously. Writing fiction used to feel a great big hurdle I couldn't manage, then I started the 100 words a day and slowly I've begun to enjoy writing again. I shall continue to aim only for 100 words as from tomorrow I will be knackered after my flight, but with the faith that I will want to write more as I return to normal. Faith and fiction haven't appeared together for me, for a very long time.

Next time I blog I will be in the UK. 'See' you all soon.

Painting the Town Red

With a bit more energy we went out last night to paint the town red. We went to the tapas bar in the hotel (Millenium Sukhumvit) around the corner where we sat at the bar and watched them preparing the food. It was lovely food and service.

I managed to paint the town a sort of pale pink (one gin and tonic) before deciding I’d rather go home and write …

Whatever has happened to me? I’ve been ‘doing my words’ as I call it, pretty much first thing. The last couple of sessions, I’ve started without having to talk myself into doing them and I’ve really not wanted to stop because I am enjoying it so much. Today the structure I’d been struggling with just sorted itself out in front of me and the reason … the thing that happens to make her run away … I knew vaguely what that was but didn’t quite understand the how it happened, and that just resolved itself too.

I really didn’t want to stop, but I’ve got so much to do before I fly on Monday night to the UK (Woooo hooooo) that I really had to tell myself that I’ve done my words and if there’s time again later in the day, so be it. If not, I’ll still have done my words.

I’m so looking forward to coming to England.

Cinema trips

I’ve blogged nearly every day this month but yesterday I got endoftermitus. The children had been dispatched to the UK on the Unaccompanied Minors arrangement and really, you’d think I’d be kicking up my heels to paint the town red … or orange maybe … but I could only muster the enthusiasm for the cinema. I’d unearthed some freebie tickets in a toppling paperwork mountain earlier in the week: a curry and the cinema was the suggestion.

I issued myself with a very stern ‘you are not allowed to go to the cinema unless you’ve done your 100 words’ warning. I even informed Husband of that fact which was, in retrospect, a mistake. No it wasn’t Husband’s fault – we were both pathetic. I did 247 words and he arrived home from work.

We lounged about on the sofa watching BBC Entertainment – which is our overseas BBC channel. No children appeared to say ‘Hannah Montana is on – can we have the TV?’ And we consumed the curry on the sofa (don’t tell the children) while watching Jack Dee in a programme where he’s a comedian … not much of a stretch to the imagination that one, but it made Husband laugh out loud and me snigger.

So it’s the cinema today instead. And I’m leaving you with a photo from my last trip to the cinema – last weekend with Son. Can you guess what we saw?

Yeh heh heh

Yeh heh heh.

Yeh heh heh*.

I have over 2,000 words. I have an opening. I am excited about my story. I will have something to show at the course in Sept/Oct.

I am determined to keep up the 100 (or more) words a day. It’s working really well for me. Despite the fact that on flight day and arrival day (Mon and Tues next week) it will be really hard. I will be tired and grumpy and feel that I deserve the day off. However, if I take one day off I will be able to take another day off… you get the picture. 100 words a day is doable even if I feel jetlagged and grumpsome. It is only 100 words a day.

* I'm not entirely sure what this means, but it's the noise I made when I clicked Word Count and saw it was over 2000!

OH YES I CAN...

Today I opened my file and looked at my words - 499 of them – and I thought ‘I can’t do this.’

What? You can’t write 100 words? Yes you can. That’s not a book, that’s 100 words – you can do that. You’ve been doing that for three days… And there I was back on track again. Hurrah for 100 words a day.

I do let myself get worked up about the little things. The details: my story opens with a funeral – and yes, we have a Humanist funeral expert in our midst – but this is a Christian funeral. I’ve tried and tried to talk myself into making him have a Humanist service, so that I can ask Zinnia, but it’s just not right. He wouldn’t. I’ve only ever been to one funeral and that was 22 years ago (OMG, can that be right?) So then I have to go and do some research …

A couple of days ago it was the layout of the village. Some of her progress through the village has to be in the opening: she hasn’t been home for 10 years or so. She doesn’t want to be there but she has to for her father’s funeral. How could I write her arriving home in the village without knowing the layout of the village? So I had to stop and make a map…

Then I get my knickers in a twist about layout of the ms. I know this can all be fixed at the end, but wouldn’t it be easier to know NOW and do it right now? Not everything can be left to be ‘fixed’ at the end. I’ve read the rules, and I’ve looked in books to get it right and my head just won’t absorb the information. How many times do I need to do it?

It's working

So I'm managing 100 words (or more) a day. Yesterday I wrote 109 and today I've written 161 words. (I've actually written slightly more because I lost some in editing...)

The word pitiful appears regularly in my head ... but I'm still giving a big, Thai kickboxing kick up the rear and rejecting it. I am spending time - lots of time - in front of my pc but I am very slow. Evidently I cannot just churn it out. I may have to come to terms with that.

I am also feeling a little under the weather (I will spare you the grim details) so any words are good.

There are now nine of us committed to 100 words a day - and we are all writing. Marvellous.

And now, I'm off for a while to read.

My fairy godmother

Brilliant, wonderful Helen over at Redders Ramblings appeared on my comments just at the right time with the right challenge. She didn’t say ‘come on, let’s both write 1000 words’ which would’ve had me scuttling to my bed with a book, but ‘how about 100 words?’

‘100 words’ I thought. I could probably do that. I didn’t beat myself up about how little it is … do you KNOW how many fiction words I’m writing at the moment? NONE. So 100 would be 100 more. When the word ‘pitiful’ appeared in my head – I banished it. Helen suggested we might make more by Friday. An ongoing challenge. Fab.

I popped back over to Helen’s to commit to the challenge. And then I opened my 74 words of Novel 2, and I wrote a new 155 words. So now I have 229 words. I wanted to do more, but I also wanted to find it easy and pleasurable. And it was late in the evening …

So instead I prepared for bed with my book, and then I got a flashy light on my Blackberry announcing an invitation to Helen’s new blog ‘One Hundred Words A Day’. No excuses, just register ‘Done x words’ on the comments. And so we hope to rebuild our habit.

If you’d like to join us, send Helen an email and she’ll invite you to the blog.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got 100 words to write.