Monday, August 31, 2009

Facebook Confessional

If you're a new or sporadic reader, you might want to look here first. But following that post, I received this notification from Facebook yesterday.

Simon ***** also commented on his post:

"By the way Jenny, I have a TERRIBLE admission to make: I murdered a tea bag yesterday.

Not just any tea bag, but a PG Tips tea bag. I was taking it out of the caddy and managed to put my finger through it somehow. I don't know how, but it just lay there with tea leaves pouring out of it's stomach. It felt just awful.

I considered trying to glue it together again hoping that no one would notice .. but that wouldn't have worked. I even considered burying it under the patio like that scene in Brookside .. but we dont have a patio. I even considered drying out one of the old tea bags from the slops pot and having it masquerade as a new one. But no, I realised that none of this would work and I'd just have to own up to my deed.

My head is hung and I feel a cad. Such shame and self-loathing. Can you ever forgive me?"


Well, what do you think, readers? Should he be forgiven?

10 comments:

SpiralSkies said...

If Simon agreed that it should be jam before cream on scones, then yes he should be forgiven. Although, I must say, the thought of that poor murdered teabag with its tealeaf innards spilling out of its tortured teabag tummy is making me weep a litle. Poor teabag.

Debs said...

The beast. At least he had the conscience to admit his folly, so in this case I think maybe he can be forgiven.

JJ Beattie said...

Spiral, yeah, but you know what? Simon is wrong. You are wrong, so is B and so are all the others. Go back to Facebook and check out the pictures. How WRONG does it look to put the jam on top?

WRONG. WRONG I SAY.

Debs, yes, but you should have seen the abuse I got for saying cream goes first on a scone... I'm just not sure I can bring myself to forgive him. I mean, the man killed a pg tips tea bag...

HelenMHunt said...

Poor defenceless little tea bag ... tut tut ...

Leigh said...

PG Tips? Yeah, sure he should be forgiven!

And how is murder any worse than liquidation, which is what he was about to do to it anyway ;-)

Jam goes on the bottom. Definitely.

BEAST said...

No - stone him!!

Sorry, it's cream on the bottom - jam on top. Likewise: tea before the milk, stuffing in the bird, tear rolls - cut bread, holes in the ends of boiled eggs, gravy from meat juices, water in omelettes - milk in scrambled eggs, gas is better than electric, warm kitchen for cakes - cool hands for pastry, no need for fish knives or cake forks.

Didn't your mothers' teach you anything.

SpiralSkies said...

NOOOOOOOO! You simply cannot have blobs of jam all balancing about on top of the lovely, fluffy cream.

But, um, Leigh says 'jam goes on the bottom'. She does mean the scone, right, and now one's own bottom? Crikey. I know you live in Bangkok but I didn't think Tea Stains was *that* sort of blog?

JAM ON THE BOTTOM, JAM ON THE BOTTOM. I'm going to get a placard made and march up and down the high street. No, really, I am.

Queenie said...

I grew up in Devon so I know of what I speak (grammer). It's cream on the bottom because, Spiral, it's not 'lovely fluffy cream', it's clotted cream, as thick and high-fat as John Prescott, and there would be no chance whatever of it spreading or even blobbing on top of jam. If people make pale imitations of cream teas with some poor whipped and beaten cream that can't stand up for itself, then they probably have to put it on top of the jam - but then those would be the kind of people who would put sultanas in the scones which is also WRONG WRONG WRONG (not in itself, sultana scones with butter are fine, but NOT with cream and jam).

Why is disembowelling a teabag worse than pouring boiling water all over it and then squashing it to death with a spoon?

BEAST said...

Here Here Queenie

Spiral: If you are using fluffy cream then I doubt it matters where you put it. I agree blobbing jam on a squirted Mr Whippy of shaving foam like synthetic milk might be a bit tricky. But if your clotted cream is a thick as butter, as it should be, then all is well.

I'm going to shut up now before JJ tells me to mind my own...

Leigh said...

Well, I agree with Beast on almost every other count: tea before the milk (except in bone china), stuffing in the bird (I was going to ask where else it might go, but have decided not to - given the kind of blog Tea Stains has become ;-), tear rolls - cut bread (unless the bread is French), holes in the ends of boiled eggs (definitely), gravy from meat juices (yes), water in omelettes - milk in scrambled eggs (yes), gas is better than electric (unless you have induction!!), warm kitchen for cakes - cool hands for pastry (sure - for those who have time to bake), no need for fish knives or cake forks (unless you're a snob).

But, THE JAM GOES ON THE BOTTOM.

(My mother taught me pitifully little, but somewhere I learned to spell and punctuate. Tee hee hee ;-)