Saturday, June 19, 2010

Quite an optimistic post, honest.

And today my equilibrium has returned. I feel serene about what will be…

Yesterday Husband and I went to school to see Daughter in Macbeth. Son, who is full of cold didn’t come. (I always feel a cold, in such hideously hot weather, is so wrong.) His not coming meant that Husband and I could talk and it was the Beattie-style Worst Case Scenario planning that has brought me some peace.

The ideal situation is that we stay in Bangkok. I want to stay here but more than my selfishness, Son should finish school here because that would suit him and his personality best. I’ve been online to look at schools in the UK and funnily – or probably not – the school we chose with him at 11 is still the school that looks the best fit now. But we talked about what we could do if that school doesn’t have places. We have a plan… should we need it.

Bangkok is my home. It’s not where I’m from but it is where we’ve made our home for the last five years. Whatever people think about our lives here – that it’s a cushy number or that we’re spoiled – there are tough things about this life; we make sacrifices and face different problems (as well as some of the same) that you do in your home countries. I suspect that you have noticed some of our stresses in recent weeks! My immediate family are here and my books are here; it’s home.

But I am lucky because I have friends in both places; indeed, I have friends all over the world.

If I am made to come home (for that is the lack of control for us) then I will be closer to my elderly parents, I will be able to join friends at book launches, for weekends of laughing and eating. I won’t always have to miss the important occasions in the lives of my friends, my chosen family and both our extended families. I can think about what work I want to do and I can consider doing an MA. (Then I will have the three degrees I’ve longed for and will, forever more, be able to wear glitzy dresses and burst into song: ‘When Will I See You Again?’)

So (some of) the plan is that I shall be home to the UK, as planned, in July. I may be looking for schools; I may not. Then I may come back to Bangkok or I may not but I feel happier about all of this.

Gratuitous picture of beautiful, visual production of Macbeth.


Pedro Garcia Millan said...
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Pedro Garcia Millan said...
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Pedro Garcia Millan said...
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JJ Beattie said...

Yeah, thanks for the junk there Pedro.

SueG said...

This is a part of expat life that is very hard to understand by those who have never gone through it. Life is full of things we can't control, but where we live or when/if we move normally isn't one of them, and this is extremely hard. I know what it's like to have a place that others may not think is your home to feel like home. And of course, the most compelling and nerve wracking part is your kids' schooling. I'm sure either decision will work out fine. But....virtual hugs flying your way. And phew! What a strapping young man that is in that picture. Watch out -- you may have an actor on your hands.....xo

HelenMHunt said...

Glad you're feeling happier about it all. It must be so hard not knowing.

Jackie Luben said...

It usually helps to get things clear in your mind.

Carol said...

As I've said to you before hon, you will be fine what ever way the decision falls! I'm glad your feeling a bit better about it all and I hope that you get the decision that you want (even if it means I wont get to see as much of you!).

Lots of love and hugs

C x

Talli Roland said...

Good luck with everything. The betwixt and between nature of an expat life is what always makes me feel anxious and uncomfortable, admist all the excitment that exists there (gosh, I sound like I should be in Macbeth with this what I've written here).

Hope you're having a good weekend regardless.

Fran said...

Hope it all works out. Looks like a great production of Macbeth, by the way. Very moody.

Lane said...

Hope it goes the best way possible for you all jj. It must be very unsettling indeed but hopefully 'soon' won't be too far away.

liz fenwick said...

Beautiful post - I felt it all and you are in my thoughts.


Debs said...

I hope it works out the way you wish it to, but am glad you have a plan.

My mother always says to 'make a plan' and what ever my difficulties are, I always feel so much better and more in control when I do have a plan - whether I end up following it or not. Good luck. x

DJ Kirkby said...

I'm looking forward to you finding out once and for all what is going to happen next!

Suzanne Jones said...

I'm pleased you're feeling calmer and I really hope it works out the way you want it to.


Anonymous said...

I guess it can be looked on as a challenge, a new path of life opening up to you. Perhaps not one you really want right now but staying optimistic is definitely the right way to be.

CJ xx

JJ Beattie said...

Sue, thank you. The strapping lad isn't mine - one of the witches is mine. And yes, I definitely have an actor on my hands!

Helen, thank you.

Jackie, yes, planning not panicking: that should be my motto.

Carol, I honestly could do either... but for R's sake I'd like him to stay here.

Thanks Talli. We're getting on and enjoying normal life - even if our brains are whirring away.

Fran, thank you. It was great: beautiful visually. It was heavily cut and they used the witches as a Greek chorus idea... making them very responsible for what happens.

Lane, thank you.

Liz, thank you.

Debs, your mum is so right. I feel better for having planned for every eventuality.

DJ, me too. Think of the book launches I can come to!

Suzanne, I think either way would be okay really, I'd just like to know one way or t'other.

CJ, you're totally right. Just as moving here was an exciting challenge, so will going home be an adventure.