Sunday, April 06, 2008

I wanted to tell you

The minute I stopped blogging, I thought of things I wanted to say. I still felt a bit fragile so I thought I’d stay away for the time being anyway.

I wanted to tell you about the sandals I’ve had made (for the price of a decent pair of leather sandals in the UK I had a pair made just for me). I wanted to post a picture because I was so excited.

I wanted to tell you how irritated I’d been by a motorbike on the pavement behind me while I was walking to Book Club. This is normal here and has never bothered me before so I wasn’t sure why it made me so angry this time. I run Book Club and I felt cross with myself for not managing to read Bleak House. It scared a lot of people off, and we were only five in attendance. We met in a new venue that served really yummy Berry yogurty shake thing. I wanted to tell you all how the four friends made me feel cheerful again.

I wanted to tell you that Bill contacted me after reading my Snake Farm post. Bill is a journalist in Houston and was writing an article about the snake farm for the Chronicle and he asked if could help him with some extra details. I could. I love the internet. You can see his article here.

I wanted to post a picture of a beautiful flower I saw.

I wanted to tell you that I picked up the soft contact lenses to replace my lost-because-I-was-so-drunk lens. They are the size of dinner plates and handling them is like manhandling a jelly fish.

I wanted to ask advice about something I don’t want to talk about. There are blurry lines between someone I know in a professional sense that I don’t if it’s right or okay to make an overture of friendship. Blurry lines. I can’t work out what to do so I’m doing nothing.

I wanted to say that I think my peculiar patch might be because I’m having a little moment of homesickness. Maybe because I’m flying home in a couple of weeks or maybe I booked the flight because I was in the early stages of homesickness. I get it so rarely I didn’t recognise it. I miss people, but I don’t often feel homesick.

I wanted to say that while I should've been reading Bleak House I was reading The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield and then The Beach by Alex Garland.

I wanted to tell you that I had hoped … so hoped … that not blogging meant I could write. I never found the time. I spent all of last week websiting. My ‘get writing or quit this pretending to write thing’ deadline is approaching. We’re away in Chiang Mai Friday to Thursday next week so I won’t be able to do much then. Will I quit?

I want to tell you that I'm not sure if I should post this or not.


Yvonne said...

I'm glad you blogged JJ, I've missed you. And I hope you don't quit. You've been busy all week - it's not like you've been sitting around twiddling your thumbs instead of writing. It took me two months to find my current rhythm...and I'm not working!

(And I love The Beach!)

Caroline said...

I think that you're right to post all of this and you would be very very right to post a photo of your sandals!

Sounds like you've too much spinning around inside your head. A break in the UK, in the snow, rain and clouds will help refocus.


Cal said...

Lovely to read a blog entry from you JJ. Don't stop writing...

Leigh said...

Thank God you're back. I was beginning to get a bit anaerobic.

So much has happened, and we (nearly) missed it. Thank you for this post.

I stopped writing for three months once, but I never thought, shall I quit? I just knew that I'd either go back to it, or I wouldn't. You are so obviously a writer that you really don't need to think about it at all. Either you'll drift away from it, or it'll work. I suspect the latter.

{{HUG}} Glad you're back.

laurie said...

funny--ever since i wrote a posting saying i was going to cut back on my blogging i have found myself with more things to say, too.

funny how that works.

you seem very hard on yourself, JJ. your blogging is great, i love seeing your comments on my blog, and your writing is excellent. i think you're right that it's homesickness. a lot crashing together in your brain right now, emotions and thoughts all jumbled together.

for me, writing in times like that is extremely helpful. so don't stop. just don't post if you don't want to. (but i'm glad you did.)

JJ said...

Yvonne, thank you honey. I will get there, I will. I really enjoyed The Beach - I'm told the film's not brill but I want to see it now. The Beach didn't make me feel my Thailand, but then that isn't my Thailand...

Caroline, thanks honey. They don't have heels though! I'll see what I can do. It did help seeing Orna advocate morning pages, I think I might try that again. I can't wait for the UK trip.

Cal, thank you. No I ... I don't think I can!

Leigh, ha. LOL. Thanks so much. I love it why can't I get on and do it?

Laurie, thank you. I am way too hard on myself. I blogged away in my head; I blogged in my Word doc and didn't post, and then, well I posted. You're right of course about the writing at times like this, it's exactly what I need to do.

Thanks everyone.

SueG said...

Don't stop, JJ! Why would you? Sometimes we write consistently, sometimes we don't, but the urge is always inside us whether we do anything about it or not. And if you proclaim to the world that you're going to quit then you just might explode. Give yourself a break, but don't make such hard and fast determinations. Remember, we're all bozos on this bus, of all buses. Welcome back to cyberspace. :)

Kate.Kingsley said...

I'm glad you posted it :-)

(And, err, I really want to see those sandals! ;-) )

Lane said...

I think you should ask/tell us/say all these things ... when you feel like it, if you feel like it. There are no rules. You should do whatever you feel, whenever.
Your trip should help clear your head.
Go easy on yourself JJ x

liz fenwick said...

Just remember everyone does things in their own time and gentle with yourself!

L-Plate Author said...

Hey, you're back! I love reading your blog JJ. Unlike mine, when I'm not writing, I don't have much to say, or much I want to share with everyone, just a select few! I haven't blogged for a week.

I loved all your little stories in this post and I love seeing your photos. Just think what the girl from Stoke wakes up to every morning.

It's good that you're coming back to the UK soon, I think it will put things into perspective for you. xx