Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Worrying again... Sorry

I'm feeling decidedly Pantone 292 today.

Why? Why? WHY? When I've written about 3,000 words in two days, sorted out my personal issue, how can I still feel blue?

Why can't I stop worrying?

Today I am worrying for several reasons.
  • I've doubled booked myself tonight. My friend S is having a 'Smoochie Smoochie' Party, which is like a tupperware party only for underwear. Smoochie Smoochie is a new, just launched, lingerie company set up by two British women here in Bangkok. It is a totally brilliant idea because farang women (white westerners) cannot buy underwear here unless they are narrow backed with small boobs. Those of us that are born with a chocolate habit, and built with knockers that require works of structural engineering (me) rather than vests, cannot buy bras. So I want to go and I've said I am. BUT...
  • Our twice monthly quiz is on at the Londoner pub. I go with some of Husband's colleagues and any visitors we can recruit. We are the Soi Dogs team and you can see from the website that we really are spectacularly awful. It takes real skill to be that crap. I enjoy it though, I like going, I like the colleagues and I don't care about losing atrociously. They don't exactly rely on me (the two questions out of 100 I might actually get right, is really quite negligible) but I like the evening.
  • I'm worrying that even though I'm writing, I've totally lost my voice. Obviously I don't mean I'm croaky voiced, I mean I'm not writing like me. I worry so much about 'How to Write' that I've gone lost all the me-ness about the story.

Now it's all okay, though: one day soon I will wake up less blue-feeling. Tonight I will go to the tupperware/underwear party first, then flit off to the quiz. I think maybe chocolate will solve my voice/me-ness problem, and then reading, not writing. And if chocolate doesn't solve it, it'll still be yummy.

12 comments:

Jen said...

Chocolate, knickers and bras for big knockers... all that on top of words aplenty and a night at the pub.

Blues not allowed. Smile :0)

X

Helen said...

stop worrying about your voice sweetie and just write - well when you've finished socialising. Remember this is the first draft.

this is the first draft

this is the first draft

this is the first draft

this is the first draft

OK?!

xx

Have a lovely time tonight.

JJ said...

Hello you two. Thank you. I had a mug of hot chocolate, a lie on my bed reading, a sleep and a telephone call: "Do we want to sell our house?" our estate agents want to know?
I am feeling a little less blue. Thanks guys.
JJx

Lane said...

Had to laugh at the team name 'Soi Dogs'. You'd better keep the underwear classy!

Word count is brill and chocolat is the prescribed potion for worryworts:))

Enjoy your evening:))

xx

JJ said...

Thanks Lane. Yes, 'tis a classy title, but we are in the gutter when it comes to winning. Sometimes we pitch our stupidity completely perfectly and come second from bottom which means we win a free round of drinks! Hurrah for second from bottom.
JJx

CTaylor said...

OOooh what a dilemma. I suppose it comes down to how desperate you are for knocker support ;o) Can you make do with the bras you've got until the next party?

I can empathise with you losing your voice. There's something ironic about the fact that we try to improve as writers by studying the craft BUT the new knowledge we attain makes us so self-conscious about our writing we can't actually write! Try not to worry about it - it's totally normal and it will pass (she says, knowing there are still times when she feels so self-conscious about producing 'good writing' she can't write a word).

The answer is to write 'drunk' - not literally (though a glass of wine often helps loosen me up) but to write with the right (creative) side of your brain engaged rather than the left (logical) side. I read a really good article recently that said something along the lines of "when I write I imagine that I'm not inventing a story, instead I imagine that I'm reporting on someone's life." i.e. forget that it's fiction, forget you're making it up, forget you're choosing words. Imagine instead that these things really happened and you're the vessel chosen to relay what happened to the world.

Does that make sense?

Above all don't worry. The more you worry the more lost you will feel. You'll get through it.

Carol and Chris said...

You just need to get your groove back!! A couple of G&T's, some shopping, some chocolate (S is making cakes!!) and then coming second to last in the quiz will cheer you up no end!!

See you soon

C x

Rebecca said...

have a beer or two (and lose by a million!) and have a good time.

Angie said...

Chocolate, new knickers and bras, and a free round of drinks sounds brilliant to me!
I also feel like I'm losing my unique voice when I'm self-conscious of my writing, but Cally's advice seems like a good fix for that.
Have fun!

liz fenwick said...

Ditto what Cally and Helen said....just write and worry about the words later :-)

hesitant scribe said...

Hiya - hope the party went well ;-)

Don't worry about the writing voice being silent - I am beginning to think it may be part of the process and that it will re-emerge when you're ready. Maybe you need to go on a research trip too?!!!

I'm always 'losing' my voice - if indeed I've actually found it yet! I think most of my writing work happens in my head before it makes it to the page - it's just about finding out how you, in particular, work best and then going with it! Good luck and hope you are cheered up. The last party like that I went to we ended up in stitches when they brought out the er... toys! And no, I didn't buy anything!

Flowerpot said...

sounds like you're doing really well on the writing front but I sympathise. I've been worrying about exactly the same thing! We women worry, dont' we? Full stop.