Monday, May 12, 2008

Stupid? Me? Pah.

This could be something I live to regret, but I'm nothing if not stupid brave.

I'm posting my opening (eeeeeek):

There must have been a point during the flight where Julia’s life crossed a boundary from West to East, but she didn’t know where it was. It was something she hadn’t thought to research.

She didn’t know if it was a line drawn by politicians, economists or historians but what she did know was that the split second of flying over whatever demarcation determined East from West was irrelevant. The crucial moment was the one when she agreed that if she could muster all her courage, she might be brave enough to move their family from an English village six thousand miles away to Bangkok, Thailand.

Any comments welcome. Gulp.

11 comments:

Caroline said...

Can we have more please? :)

xxxx

Leatherdykeuk said...

That was a great opening.

The crucial moment was the one when she agreed that if she could muster all her courage, she might be brave enough to move their family from an English village six thousand miles away to Bangkok, Thailand.

May I suggest removing the bolded bits?

JJ said...

Caroline, Uuuhm. No. There isn't any... yet.

Rachel, yes you may. Of course (now it's pointed out to me, they're not necessary!) Thank you.

JJx

SueG said...

Lookin' good! One suggestion (since you asked...). What if your first paragraph was simply: "There must have been a point during the flight where Julia’s life crossed a boundary from West to East." Full stop. There rest of that paragraph is unnecessary. Then go on to paragraph 2. More punchy, I think. And a great opening. (Just a thought...)

Yvonne said...

Nothing to regret there, it's a great opening! I agree with SueG's comment, but otherwise I loved it!

Carol and Chris said...

Good start hon - looking forward to reading the rest :-)

C x

Lane said...

Not stupid at all and it's a great opener!

She didn’t know if it was a line drawn by politicians, economists or historians but what she did know was that the split second of flying over whatever demarcation determined East from West was irrelevant. Maybe two sentences?

Anyway,I'm just being nit-picky. What's important is that you give us some more to read!:-)

Angie said...

I'm intrigued to read more.
(You are very brave to post your work, so I'm sending you big hugs as well!)

-Ang xx

Jon M said...

What happens next? tell me! :-)

L-Plate Author said...

Well, I'm intrigued JJ. Along with your new hair cut, you also have a way with words! Can we see more, there's no use in saying there isn't any, you will JUST have to write it! xx

Rebecca said...

Compelling opening JJ! Certainly made me want more more more!

PLease. :)