Monday, June 04, 2007

Is it just me?

Do you ever have that feeling where something is bothering you – you’re aware of a strange uncomfortableness, a sort of antsy sense - yet you can’t recall why you feel that way? You don’t literally fidget, but you feel physically a bit uncomfortable and anxious. It’s not helped by the fact that you can’t remember what it is that’s bothering you? (How can it make you feel like this if you can’t remember what it is?)

Sometimes, usually, I remember what it is that’s bothering me, and then I realize that it’s not that important and that squirmy feeling goes away.

But today, the restlessness isn’t going away.

Every now and again I remember why I feel peculiar and then I go through that whole ‘Oh shit, yes, that is something that’s bothering me.’

I wish I didn’t think so much about these things. Maybe if I didn’t turn it over and over in my head, worrying away at it, it wouldn’t feel so bad. Why can’t I be one of those people who realize they can’t change what’s been said and get over it?

A few weeks ago I had some correspondence with someone – several communications in fact – and in my excitement I think I said and did something which on reflection maybe sounded wrong, came out wrong, and I think I may have offended/upset/overstepped the mark with her. I did write and apologize lightheartedly, and say ‘oh bugger, I do have the tendency to open my mouth/put fingers to keyboard before I’ve engaged my brain.’ She wrote back saying it was no problem, but I still have this feeling… lack of communication maybe, that I’ve cocked up!

And now I can’t get that irritating feeling to go away.


Helen said...

I often get this anxious feeling and I have to go through check boxes of stuff in my life to find out the cause. I have in fact started my novel with my main character trying to work out why she feels so anxious.

I also worry too much that I may have offended people with stuff I say and write. If they are feeling a little upset or whatever - you've apologised. That's all you can do.

Hey - you should go and check out Cally's blog - her Dr. Who post. She has written a paragraph from a book at the end of the post about the 'editor' (obviously the 'demon' in your case) sitting on your shoulder as you write your first draft. It's fabulously reassuring.

Caroline said...

Gosh JJ - I do this all the time. I say/type something and then worry about it and sometimes it consumes my day. I wish I could be different. So if you come up with an anti-worrying method, then please instruct me too.

I am one big stress ball at the moment, but soooo looking forward to meeting you in 10 days. Did you reply to Maddy/ get the invite?


Angie said...

I know exactly what you mean. It's funny you should write about this because I've been having that exact feeling the last week. I'm a total worrier too. I deal with it using checklists, etc. Maybe it's a writerly trait, it seems to be common in the comments box! :)

JJ said...

Thank god it's not just me. I don't get it often, but it's so uncomfortable when I do. I feel a bit better today because a friend is back in Bangkok and the next event was going to include them, so I've got every reason to contact the other woman now... who thinks I'm a complete turnip, but hey ho, she's probably right!

tea and cake said...

Hi there. I get this feeling, too, but usually I Have upset people! I try to brush it off and think 'oh, well they shouldn't be so bloody sensitive.' But, then have to go back and apologise.

It's usually when I'M feeling a bit sensitive about something that this happens, tho'.

Apparently, I'm only human - according to my daughter, anyway!

Hope it goes ok. cheers, kaz xx

JJ said...

Oh no Kaz, don't say that. Maybe she'll never want to see me again! Oh my god...

You're only human? I thought daughters were supposed to think we were superhuman?

Oh well, it's nice to see you here, anyway.

hesitant scribe said...

I'm the same! Sometimes I'm just trying to be helpful but end up being too honest/blunt. Don't worry about it - a true friend will know you had good intentions.

JJ said...

Hi Lisa

I really can misconstrue things! Oh well. It's done. I emailed and said 'I misunderstood' and she seems fine. Her lack of contact apparently was because she had to do a border/visa dash.

Time to stop worrying, then.

Carol and Chris said...

I do it too!! I say something then spend days worrying whether it was the wrong thing (I then have conversations with them in my head where I apologise and try and explain why I said what I sad is that!!). Then I see them and discover that they are completely fine and the only person that had a problem was me!!

Do you think that there is a 'feel guilty about nothing gene' which governs this weird behaviour?

C x