Do you ever have that feeling where something is bothering you – you’re aware of a strange uncomfortableness, a sort of antsy sense - yet you can’t recall why you feel that way? You don’t literally fidget, but you feel physically a bit uncomfortable and anxious. It’s not helped by the fact that you can’t remember what it is that’s bothering you? (How can it make you feel like this if you can’t remember what it is?)
Sometimes, usually, I remember what it is that’s bothering me, and then I realize that it’s not that important and that squirmy feeling goes away.
But today, the restlessness isn’t going away.
Every now and again I remember why I feel peculiar and then I go through that whole ‘Oh shit, yes, that is something that’s bothering me.’
I wish I didn’t think so much about these things. Maybe if I didn’t turn it over and over in my head, worrying away at it, it wouldn’t feel so bad. Why can’t I be one of those people who realize they can’t change what’s been said and get over it?
A few weeks ago I had some correspondence with someone – several communications in fact – and in my excitement I think I said and did something which on reflection maybe sounded wrong, came out wrong, and I think I may have offended/upset/overstepped the mark with her. I did write and apologize lightheartedly, and say ‘oh bugger, I do have the tendency to open my mouth/put fingers to keyboard before I’ve engaged my brain.’ She wrote back saying it was no problem, but I still have this feeling… lack of communication maybe, that I’ve cocked up!
And now I can’t get that irritating feeling to go away.